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iHam Shuffle

Dean Ambrose: Last time on Total Drama Balls of Steel!



After the Pips voted out Rocky, the three teams became even with four members each. The feud at camp between RJ and Rocker continued to heat up, but Rocker settled it by giving RJ a “pleasant” surprise, hehe. Meanwhile at the Pips, the elimination ceremony crept up on the contestants as Dark and Toast got into some serious drama. At the challenge, Heo finally was able to get alone time with Ally, but was quickly rejected in the process, and it ended with a bang! No, seriously, Dark legit blew the place up. And it was Bat who cost the Plebs another victory, sending him packing off the Hurl of Shame! Now get ready for a game-changing twist that’ll shake up the fun! It happens right here, right now, on Total! Drama! Balls of Steel!



(Intro Plays)



(Team Kike – Night 15)



(The Kikes are seen sleeping in their shelter, except for Grass, who is wide awake. As he stands above his sleeping teammates, staring over at them as they dream on about different things.)



Grass: That’s right mah boi’s. Dream on. That’s it! Good boi’s! When this is all over, we can all be happy.



(Chip slowly opens his eyes and sees Grass standing)



Chip: WTH! Grass? What are you doing it’s like 1 in the morning!



(Grass does not reply as he just stands there, staring at Chip)



Grass: …………….



Chip: Okay, stop! You are seriously starting to creep me out. I am literally this close to dialing 9-1-1.



Grass: Except we aren’t allowed to have electronics out here.



Chip: For you guys maybe, but not moi! *pulls out iPhone 6 while giving a trollface*



Grass: Wow.



(GO then wakes up, only to see Grass’s shadowy figure a couple feet away from him)



GO: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! IT’S A PSYCHOPATH CEREAL KILLER! ASDFGBGRERGRERGRGERFEWQER!!!!



(GO dashes out into ocean water while screaming)



Grass: Calm your tits, boi, it’s me Grass.



(GO quickly stops as he is nose-deep in the water, as he turns around)



GO: *underwater* GRASS!?



(GO runs out of the water and tackles Grass with relief)



GO: OH THANK GOODNESSS FOR A SEC I THOUGHT YOU WAS CREEPY CEREAL KILLER ABOUT TO RAPE ME.... OH WAIT!



Grass: *shoves GO off and gets up wiping himself* Jfc you have issues.




Chip: What are you doing up watching us sleep for anyways?




Heo: Probably being the Grass Pedo he is. *quickly runs and hides behind GO like a little bitch*




Grass: Nah, I’ve been trying to wake you guys up for a while now.




Chip: What for?




Grass: Cus boi, notice how it’s been three days since the Plebs would have voted someone out, and we have yet to do another challenge?




Heo: Now that you mention it, it has been a few days since we’ve been notified of anything happening. Maybe Dean Ambrose is just giving us a break from all the torture?




Grass: Nah, Ambrose ain’t soft like that. Unlike your boi toy Rollins *trollface*




Heo: >.>




(The Kikes are then interrupted by a loud screeching noise)




Chip: AAAAAAAH!!! What in the name of Food is that blasphemy I hear!




GO: I DON’T KNOW BUT IT IS VERY LOUD AAAAAHHH!




Grass: Wth! Guys, look!




(Grass then points to a giant eagle that appears to be the size of an 18-wheeler)




Heo: Holy Moly that thing is HUGE! What do we do!?




GO: WE RUN NOW!




(The Kikes try to run away but the giant eagle swoops them all night and flies into the night sky)




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(Middle of the Jungle- Night 15)




(The giant eagle drops the four Kikes onto a field in the middle of the jungle. It’s dark, but there are disco lights everywhere, as the other two teams are seen waiting, lined up)




Heo: Woah, where are we?




Toast: Hey! No fair! They get an eagle but we have to get swallowed and shit out by stinky ass over here *points out to giant toad in the distance*




Fiz: I thought the toad’s ass felt kinda hot tbh. *smokes joint*




Dark: I didn’t get eaten by the toad, I appeared here using my Max Goof skills yo.




Toast: Grrr showoff!




Rocker: Can someone please just tell us what exactly we’re doing here!




GO: WOAH WHO SAID THAT!




Rocker: I did.




GO: WHO!? WHERE!?




(Rocker steps out towards one of the lights)




Rocker: Me you fuckin’ skank ass twat!




GO: HOLY SHIT IT’S JUST YOU ROCKER! THANK GOODNESS YOU HAD ME WORRIED FOR A SEC, IN THE NIGHT TIME I CANT EVEN SEE YOU AH AH AH!




Rocker: Um, tf is that supposed to mean!?




GO: IT MEANS YOU SO DARK! LOOOL




Rocker: This motherfucker…..




(Everyone is brought to an abrupt silence as Dean Ambrose is seen walking out wearing a white suit and a glass of red wine in his hand while Roman Reigns is seen standing behind him)




Dean: Hello there, final 11! Welcome to your next challenge! Now, just to get right down to the point: Your camps are being destroyed as we speak.




Everyone: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Dean: Now now! Don’t get yo panties in a bunch just yet. The reason we are doing this is because three teams will become two! Welcome to the iHam Shuffle!




Ally: Oh! I don’t know about iHam, but I love iHop! :D




Dean: Too bad bitch! This ain’t iHop!




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Rocker: *In Confessional* Thank God I couldn’t stand another minute with those fucking parrots! Now it’s time for the Keanu Reeves to finally take over this game!




Fiz: *In Confessional* Shuffle? Uh oh, hopefully I’m on a team where people like me tbh. *snorts cocaine* WERHGRRFGHHFERHJHRRYHJHG………… Sweg.

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Dean: Alright, here is how it’s gonna work. I want each and everyone of you to step on one of these colored boxes over here.




(Everyone stands over a colored disco patterned box)




Dean: Now everyone lift up their tile. Okay, which two people have a cashew under their’s?




Grass: I do




Ally: OMG! Me!




Dean: Ok. Ally and Grass, I want you guys to step over here away from the others. Now, you guys are gonna take turns picking your new team members. Who is gonna pick first?




Grass: Welp, ladies first, so go ahead, Ally.




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Heo: *In Confessional* When Grass let Ally pick first, I was just praying to God that she would pick me!




RJ: *In Confessional* OMG! We’re doing a team shuffle, just like on #Survivor!

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Ally: Hmmmmmm…… I pick…..Fiz! :D




Fiz: Swag!




Heo: Awe.




Grass: I pick…….. GO!




GO: YES!




Ally: Toast!




Toast: Fuck!




Grass: Dark!




Dark: Too Max Goof to be picked last.




Ally: I pick…….. Rocker!




Rocker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!




Grass: Come on over Meta!




Meta: Sweet!




Ally: RJ!




RJ: Yay!




Dean: Alright. Two left, last pick Grass?




Grass: I choose…. Heo.




Heo: .-.




Chip: Wait! What about moi!




Dean: Hold up Chip don’t freak out, your not out of the game. You not being picked makes you the only one guaranteed safety at the next elimination!




Chip: Ha! Suckers!




Dean: The team that loses tonight will head over to the elimination ceremony almost immediately and once they vote someone out, you’ll join them the next morning and become a member of that team. But for tonight, you will head over to Lush Island, where you will spend the night with the poisonous snakes and spiders!




Chip: Of course! T.T




Dean: Now here is a map, and your canoe is over there. Roman!




(Roman Reigns grabs Chip and tosses him into a canoe, as Chip eventually regains conscious and starts rowing away to Lush Island)




Dean. Mkay. Now that he’s gone, looks like we have our new teams. Before we get to the challenge, I just need one last thing: Team names.




RJ: I know! How about Team Ally!




Rocker: Fuck no.




Ally: OMFG! That’s a great idea RJ!




Dean: Team Ally it is! And other team?




Grass: Hmm… How about Team Bois?




Dean: Alright. Team Bois and Team Ally are official!




Rocker: *face palms*




Fiz: Hey RJ, I love Survivor!




RJ: OMG! Me too! Do you like Cirie?




Fiz: Totes. You like Courtney Yates?




RJ: Yeah!




(Fiz and RJ then start rubbing each other off)




Dean: Finally it’s time for your next challenge. This will require a lot of energy, creativity, and enthusiasm. A dance-off! Each person from both teams will take turns performing a 2-5 minute dance to a song of their choosing. Sounds simple right? Oh, almost forgot, for this challenge, please welcome our special DJ for tonight: AquaInfinity!




(TD pops up from behind a DJ booth with flaming blonde hair, sunglasses, and headphones)




TD: Hey bitches! AquaInfinity aka T-to-the-D in the house! Who’s ready to partay!




(Everyone remains silent)




TD: …. Oh. Well, too bad motherfuckers! Let’s get this shit started!




Dean: I have randomized the order each team’s members will go up. First up, for Team Ally, Fiz!




Fiz: *steps up to the platform* Gimme a C, yo!




(“Yeah!” by Usher plays as Fiz gives a robotic kind of breakdance)




Dean: Reigns? Score?




Roman Reigns: *pulls out a 7*




Dean: Not bad! For Team Grass it’s Meta!




Meta: *sigh* Alright, here goes nothing




(Meta steps up to the platform and stands still for a few seconds before some Swedish/Japanese techno pop song plays and Meta dances to it like crazy)




Dean: Uh…. OOkkkkaaaayyyy then……..  Score?




(Reigns pulls out a 7)




Dean: Really?




(Reigns sits there giving Ambrose a straight face)




Dean: Fine. Next up for Team Ally, it’s Toast!




(Toast walks up to the platform and dances to Big Booty Bitches)




Rocker: Fuck! I was gonna use that song!




GO: AHA! YOU SEE IT’S FUNNY CUS HE BLACK!




Rocker: Sure Jan.




(Roman Reigns pulls out an 8)




Dean: And so far Team Ally leads! Next up is Heo!




(Heo steps up to the platform and performs some emo self-play to a depressing Skillet song)




Dean: Uhh…. I’m not even gonna. Reigns?




(Reigns pulls out a 2)




Dean: Oooh! That can’t be pretty!




Heo: *crawls into a corner and into a ball*




Dean: Next up, Ally!




(Ally steps up and does the dance to the High School Musical song “We’re All in This Together”)




Fiz: Omg! Ally is a rockstar!




RJ: Agreed! Just like Cirie on #Survivor!




Ally: Thanks guys!




(Reigns pulls out a 5)




Ally: You meanie! I hate you! JK! It was indeed awful! :D




Dean: Next up, Dark!




(Dark gives a solo Jamaican dance to a reggae/mid-90’s hip-hop songs that has lyrics consisting of “Too Max Goof! Too Max Goof!”)




Dean: Pretty chill! Pretty chill! Reigns?




(Reigns gives it an 8)




Dean: It seems we are tied! Interesting. Rocker! The floor is yours!




Rocker: *Does the stanky leg*




Reigns: *pulls out a 7.9*




Rocker: SMD!




Dean: GODuncan!




(GO isn’t sure what to do, so he chooses to dance to the Friends theme song)




Reigns: *Gives it a 1*




GO: WHAT!? IMPOSSIBLE! I IS KING!




Rocker: He gave you a 1 because he’s trying to say your #1 *sarcasm*




GO: OH!.... REALLY!? THEN YAY! YES I IS #1 I’M #1! WOOOOOOO!!!




Dean: Last round. RJ, your up.




RJ: I came in like a wrecking ball!!!




Everyone else: Huh?




(RJ comes swinging through the field holding onto a wrecking ball before jumping off and doing all sorts of Miley Cyrus dance moves, including twerking.)




Rocker: You, have, got, to, be, fucking, kidding me!




RJ: PARTY IN THE USA!




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Rocker: *In Confessional* *face palms* Seeing RJ do that, in a thong too, was just…… *barfs all over the place* We are so fucked!

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Dean: Wow, that sure was something! Reigns? 1, right?




(Reigns pulls out a 9.5)




Dean: Wow!




RJ: Yay! I’m gonna win for our team!




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Rocker: *In Confessional* On second that, it seems like RJ made himself useful for once!




RJ: *In Confessional* OMG! I helped my team win! Just like that one guy on that one episode of #Survivor!

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Dean: So far Team Ally has the win, unless Grass has something so epic to steal thevictory for his team. Grass, your up.




(Grass just sits there and doesn’t respond)




Dean: Uh, Grass, step up to the platform, it’s your turn, boi!




(Grass stands there for a good 15 minutes before finally stepping up to the platform)




Dean: Jesus man you gotta stop doing that!




(Grass stands there on the platform silently)




Rocker: Tf is he doing.




Fiz: Maybe he is getting ready to twerk! Or maybe this is it!




(“I Like It” by Enrique Igleasies bursts through out as Grass gives a Carlton-like dance, leaving everyone else in awe)




Toast: Woah-wee!




(Grass finishes it off with a split, but breaks his genitalia in the process)




Dean: That. Was. AMAZEBALLS! Roman Reigns! It’s all you now!




(Roman Reigns, with a shocked face, gives a perfect 10/10 score to Grass’s performance)




Dean: And it looks like we have our winners! Team Grass wins immunity! Which means Team Ally will be going to vote someone out in just an hour! See ya there!




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Grass: *In Confessional* Yeah, I know a thing or two about Enrique Engliseas. He’s mah boi. Plus I took dancing classes as a way to get closer to the kiddies, err I mean, ladies! HeHe……




Rocker: *In Confessional* Well fuck! Guess I’m going home tonight… Just one last plan I gotta pull out my ass.




RJ: *In Confessional* Bye bye Rocker!

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(Elimination Ceremony - Night 15)




Dean: You all know the drill, when I call your name, I will toss you a condom with my face printed on it! First condom goes to……………………….




…………………..

……………………….




…………………….. Ally!




Ally: No! Jk I love it!




Dean: Fiz!




Fiz: *twerks his way to grab a condom*




Dean: Next one goes to………….

…………………




……………………….

………………………..

……………………..

……………………….




………………………….. Toast!




Toast: Fuck yeah!




Dean: One condom left, and our bottom two: RJ and Rocker. Rocker, your on the chopping block due to being an outcast on your team. And RJ, your on the chopping block cus, well… Rocker hates you? Anyways, last condom goes to………….




……………….

…………………..




……………………………

…………………………………..

…………………………….

………………………………………

………………………………….

…………………………………..




………………………………….

RJ! *tosses condom to RJ*




RJ: Ha! Suck it Rocker! You black bitch!




Dean: Sorry Rocker, but the hurl of Shame awaits!




Rocker: Not so fast!




Dean: ????




Rocker: You see on the way here, I found THIS at camp! *pulls out idol*




Everyone else: *gasps*




RJ: But-But… There are no idols! How!




Rocker: I didn’t think there was either. Then I remembered looking up facts on the Survivor Wiki saying that Russell Hantz found an idol without any mention of there being one. So I searched through the trees and shiz, and BOOM! It was right there!




Dean: He’s right! That is a legit idol, I forgot we planted them around here. But it’s real. Which means Rocker is safe and the person with the second highest amount of votes is out, which is…………………… You RJ!




RJ: WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Dean: Hurl of Shame await bro!




(We then skip to RJ on the hurl of Shame, ready to get launched)




Dean: Any last words?




RJ: I got #Blindsided with an idol! Just like on #Survivor!




Dean: Which is why I can’t wait to get rid of your survivor loving ass!




RJ: Eh, don’t worry. I’ve moved on from Survivor. Now I’m all about #BigBrother! :D




Dean: I think I’m gonna be sick! Reigns! Get his ass outta here already!




(Reigns releases the catapult, launching RJ)




RJ: WWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!




Dean: And that concludes another shocking episode of BoS! I’m Dean Ambrose signing out till next time on Total! Drama! Balls of Steel!




(Episode End)




(Preview for episode 6)




“Next time on Balls of Steel! Controversy strikes at the challenge between GO and Rocker!”




GO: ROCKER I CAN’T TELL IF YOU ROLLED IN THE MUD AND NEVER SHOWERED OR YOU JUST REALLY BURNT UP!




Rocker: GO you are a racist, homophobic, ignorant piece of shit, and I hope you burn in Hell while getting raped by a demon clown!




“Meanwhile, Toast seeks new light as he guides his team at camp, and volunteers to lead them at the immunity challenge!”




(Toast is shown bossing his team around at camp and then cuts to him at the challenge where he is dressed up in an ancient warrior-like outfit with a sword raised high as he yells gibberish)

"It all happens next week on Balls of Steel: Episode 6: Lord of the Toast!

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