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'Twas the night before Christmas

Our lord and saviour was in his swamp, having Christmas dinner with his pal Donkey

Donkey: Mmmm Shrek, that was a good Christmas loosener, let's go harder!

Shrek: That'll do Donkey, that'll do...

Donkey: Alright let's eat! What did you cook?

Shrek: Onions...

Donkey: Onions?

Shrek: Ogres are like onions

Dark: ?

Shrek: LAYERS!

Donkey: Kinda like books *picks up a book about Christmas*

Shrek: NO! Not like books! *slams it on the table*

---The book opens up on a page about Santa Claus---

Shrek: Wait who tf is this bitch?

Donkey: Why that's Santa Claus boi!

Shrek: *reading* sneaks into little children's houses at night... brings them joy and pleasure... HEY THAT'S MAH JOB!

Donkey: You gonna take that shit Shrek?

Shrek: No! We're shuttin this son of a bitch down *uses his powers by snapping his fingers and the pair end up at the North Pole*

Santa: What are you doing here?

Shrek: This is mah swamp now bitch!


Santa: HO HO HO! I think you are mistaken!

Shrek: Alright you're going the right way for a smacked bottom! Don't you call me a hoe slut! *ties Santa down, puts a gagball in his mouth and pounds him from the back*

Santa: HO HO OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

---2 hours later---

Shrek: That'll do Santa, that'll do...

Donkey: Shrek! It's almost midnight we gotta deliver the presents!

---The two run over to the sleigh---

Rudolph: Where tf is Santa?

Shrek: Stfu bitch this is mah swamp now

Donkey: Yeah and I'm the new reindeer

Rudolph: You think you can replace me? Pfft you scrub

Shrek: Now that's not very nice! It's just a donkey! *absorbs Rudolph and replaces him with Donkey*

Donkey: Sweet

Shrek: Alright Donkey go!

---The pair fly off in the sleigh and the scene cuts to a little boy's bedroom at 3am---

Rimie: Phew just finished rping, time for me to get some sleep

Shrek: Bursts through the door HO HO HO bitch

Rimie: Santa? Is that you?

Shrek: No... but you're about to learn the true meaning of Christmas

Rimie: *gulp*

...

THE END

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