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“Last time on Tits of Gold…”


“After being left with no allies, Milk coughed up some beans that turned the Furious Fuq Bois into a 3-on-1 gangbang against Aqua. Meanwhile, after winning the previous challenge for his team, Ultra began to feel a new wave of confidence.”


“At the immunity challenge, a twist shook things up for the better. A switch-up. Aqua went over to the Happy Hams while GO and Ultra went to the Furious Fuq Bois. Then, when the immunity challenge began, the contestants got to taste the rainbow. and no, this time it wasn’t Skittles, but instead it was dildos! Which the Hams won just by an extra few inches, IF ya know what I mean…”


“After the challenge, the original Fuq Bois trio of Chwiis, Garret, and Milk made it clear they were sticking together, and taking out one of the outsiders. Which would eventually be decided by an annoying contest. And the winner of that was declared at the Elimination Ceremony, as Ultra was sent packing. Poor guy, he never got a break.”


“Who will follow Ultra down the crapper? Find out right here, right now. On Tits! Of! Golldd!!!”


(Intro plays)


(RJ is seen sleeping peacefully in the middle of nowhere in his sleeping bag, when suddenly…)


“RJ! WAKE UP YOU FUQ BOI!”


RJ: *wakes up* WTF!? GO!? What do you want?


GO: YOOOOO, I THINK THERE SOME STRANGE SHIT GOING ON AROUND HERE! WE ARE NO LONGER AT CAMP!


RJ: What are you even talking about?


GO: DON’T BELIEVE ME? LOOK AROUND MAN!


RJ: *looks around for a minute* Huh? What the flipping fuck! Where are we? And where is everybody?


GO: I DUNNO. BUT I HOPE THIS SOME KIND OF SICK PRANK.


RJ: Ikr? I mean, being left alone with YOU of all people is the worst prank that could possibly happen to someone.


???: You guys aren’t alone.


GO: WOAH WHO THE FUCK IS THAT!


Milk: *walking over towards GO and RJ* Relax, it’s just me.


RJ: Milk!


GO: OH SHIT, MILK!..... ALSO, FUCK YOU FOR VOTING OUT MY BOI ULTRA! HE WAS SO INNOCENT AND SACRED!


Milk: Would you rather it be you?


GO: NO.


Milk: Then stfu about it. Anyways, guys, I think we must have been transported here by Grass while we were sleeping. If the three of us are here, then chances are the others have been spread out nearby.


RJ: So does this mean we’re going on an adventure? :O Just like on #TheAmazingRace


Milk: Exactly, now let’s go!


GO: THAT’S ME! *Runs off*


Milk: Oh no you don’t! *Runs after GO*


(As GO and Milk run off, RJ shortly follows, only for him to be interrupted by a mysterious whisper)


“Psst. Hey you! Over here.”


RJ: *Looks over to his right* OMG!


(As RJ looks over, he notices a head sticking out of a random cornfield, and recognizes a very familiar face)


RJ: Kelley Wentworth! :O


Kelley: Hi RJ! I’ve seen your blogs and fan pages of me. And I appreciate your fanboyism very much.

RJ: <3


Kelley: Wanna come play with me? ;)


RJ: Would I ever! :D


Kelley: Then follow me. *Disappears back into cornfield*


(RJ enters the cornfield, searching for Kelley Wentworth, before finally coming across a wide open space, as Kelley is seen waiting in the middle for RJ)


Kelley: Come over here. I got a surprise for ya.


RJ: *Approaches Kelley* Yes, Queen Wentworth.


Kelley: *Shoves RJ to the ground and jumps on top of him* You ready to lose yours?


RJ: *Nods head robotically*


Kelley: Good, because when I say yours *Rips top off* I meant your mind! TROLLOLOLOLOL!


RJ: WTF!?


(Kelley’s skin begins to deflate as a familiar, yet disturbing face pops out from the front of her shirt)


???: Hello there, RJ.


RJ: Chip! What are you doing out here? You died. :O


(Chip hops completely out of the Kelly skin, revealing himself to have burnt marks all over his skin, a rough, cut up sweater, and is wearing a top hat)


Chip: Silly RJ, always so foolish. I am but merely in the flesh.


RJ: Huh?


Chip: Nevermind, just….. RAWR! *Reveals glove featuring razor knives on one of his hands*


RJ: *Yawns* Boooorring!


Chip: Wait, huh You’re not scared at all?


RJ: Um, no. Why would I? You’re just Chip.


Chip: Yeah but, I was burned alive in a volcano and now I’m back all grotesque and about to murder you. What could be more frightening?


RJ: Don’t know. Never was really into horror movies tbh. BTW, you still owe me some OCs, bitch! Where are they at?


Chip: Uh…. They’re in the mail?


RJ: You said that over a year ago. Stop lying Chunky!


Chip: Well then I guess it means I’m not giving you any more of them.


RJ: Bitch, why the fuck not!? I deserve them! Don’t be a dirty Jew like JRO!


Chip: …. You know what, screw it! I’m gonna gut you in half like a stuffed pig! RAWR! *Begins to get closer to RJ*


RJ: Oh fuck! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


(Meanwhile, we cut over to another group in an unknown area of the cornfield)


Bat: Okay, so everyone is here except for GO, Milk, and RJ. Wonder where they could be?


Chwiis: Milk is in some filthy old swamp, RJ is at a North Korean nuclear test, and GO is probably blowing up the nearest Wendy’s for Allah.


JRO: *Holding some sort of random amulet thingy* K.


Chwiis: Jew mad?


JRO: Mmmmmmmmmmm.


Bat: JRO, where did you even get that thing?


JRO: Don’t know, but it looks cool.


Rocky: I wouldn’t be carrying that amulet around if I were you.


Chwiis: Yeah, it might be some religious cult item that is against your own kind. Yaweh would not approve of such sins.


JRO: IDGAF. I saw it first and now I’m keeping it bitch- *Gets tackled by GO*


GO: OOF! WTF!? JRO!? YOU FAT FUCKING LONELY JEWISH PIECE OF SHIT GET OUT THE DAMN WAY YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!


JRO: Fuck off, GO. Stop trying to start shit with me.


GO: *Sees amulet on the ground* WOAH, WHAT’S THAT!? *Picks it up*


JRO: *Tries to grab it from GO* Hey, that’s mine! Give it back, GO.


GO: NO, FUCK OFF YOU VIRGIN, AND I DON’T MEAN THE 72 THAT I HAVE BACK AT HOME. *Gods and knocks JRO out cold* HEHE, MINE NOW, BITCHES! *Shows off amulet*


Aqua: SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


SMALL POTATO ROCK!


Rocky: *Bans Aqua* Cus that totally wasn’t unecessary.


Aqua: *Returns* Rocky you fats! Is Joley.


Milk: *Comes out from the cornfield* So there you guys are.


Rocky: If only that were a closet you were coming out of.


Bat: Ohai Milk. Okay, now everyone is here except for RJ. But I’m sure he’ll find his way soon. Meanwhile, what is going on?


Rocky: Ain’t it obvious? We’re in some kind of dream state.


Milk: No Rocky, multiple people can’t share the same dream at once. We’re in Nebraska or some shit, dumbass.


Rocky: Oh really? *Makes dick 10x bigger* Now my shaft is equal in size to Chwiis’s.


Garret: Oooooh *Touches Rocky and Chwiis’s shafts* Why hello there, buddies. I’m your new friend. ;)


Milk: Now that’s just sick.


Bat: Well, then that explains it. We’re in a current state known as “Sharing-Dreams-A-Monia” Syndrome. I’m so smart!


Rocky: Smartass.


Bat: I don’t like you either, Rocky. But sometimes, I just suck it up and deal with it. :P


Chwiis: OH DAAAAAAAAAAAAYUUUUUUUMMMM!!!!


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Rocky: *In Confessional* Bat is such a snobby cunt. You would think I would be trying to get myself out right now, but no way would I want to be outlasted by a smartass twink like him.


GO: *In Confesional, kissing amulet* MWAH! THATS RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS! TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT MY NEW PRIZE! I GOT SO MUCH SWEG NOW. AND PRETTY SOON, ALL THE BITCHES IN MY TOWN WILL BE LINING UP TO ME! B)


Chwiis: *In Confessional* GO has been extra harsh towards JRO the last couple days. Anne Frankly, I find it pretty Hitlerious! Man, I am on a role today!

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(RJ suddenly emerges from the cornfield and runs towards the others)


RJ: *Breathless* Guys…. Guys! You will not believe what just happened! I was about to lose my virginity to Kelley Wentworth and-


Aqua: OMG! Kelley!? OH EM GEEEEEEEE!!!!


Milk: Is she still Wentworthless or?


RJ: No, what happened was, it turns out it wasn’t actually her! It was-


Chip: *Pops up outta nowhere* Me!!! Muwahahahahahaha!!!


GO: OH SHIT! IT’S CHIP! DAMN NIGGA, YOU UGLY WITH ALL DEM BURNT UP MARKS AND SHIT!


Chip: Silence you infidel! I will demolish you all! One way or another!


Garret: You could demolish my asshole, if that’s where you were getting at.


Chip: Silence! Now, I will murder you all! Say goodnight! >:D


Bat: We need to wake up now!


RJ: But how?


(GO then emerges wearing a dynamite bomb vest)


GO: GUYS! GUYS! LOOK WHAT I HAVE! ALULULULULULULU!!! *Blows self up and everyone in the whole area*


RJ: *Wakes up* What the Hell!?


(All of the contestants begin to wake up in hospital beds, with test tubes attached all over their bodies. As they look around a very bright white room)


Bat: Where are we? What happened?


GO: I SAVED US ALL! WOOHOO!


Intercom Voice: Wakey wakey campers!


JRO: Who was that?


RJ: Shut up JRO.


???: It’s me, Grass.


(A light turns on revealing a pane of glass on one of the walls, and inside, in a studying room, is none other than Grass and Señor Toastus)


Chwiis: Wait, so you guys were just watching us sleep while we’re in our underwear!?


Garret: Sounds pretty kinky to me.


Boograssi: *Steps out from behind studying room door* We were just testing our new device. You see, we wanted to test the ability to make multiple people share the same dream, and then explore it. This would have ended up being your next challenge, by finding an amulet we planted somewhere in your dream world.


GO: *Holds up amulet* YOU MEAN THIS!?


Boograssi: Indeed, GO. I’ll have that now.


Milk: But what about Chip?


Boograssi: Chip?


Bat: Yeah, he was about to kill us back there. Seriously Grass, that was just messed up.


Boograssi: *Looks over at Señor Toastus confused, then back at the contestants* We never programmed Chip to be in there.


RJ: :O


(Everyone then looks at each other, creeped out of their minds)


Boograssi: Well anyways, since GO has the amulet, that means the Furious Fuq Bois win immunity! About damn time, too.


Garret: Yay!


Chwiis: Sexy.


GO: YES! I IS KING, BITCHES!


JRO: Oh come on! I had that amulet first! Not that hate-mongering Muslim.


Boograssi: Happy Hams, looks like you guys have a date with me tomorrow night at the Elimination Ceremony. See ya there.


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Milk: *In Confessional* Today has made me realize that GO could come in handy after all. Hmmmm.

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(Happy Hams- Day 17)


(Aqua, Bat, and RJ are inside the Hams tent)


RJ: So guys, I want JRO gone. The three of us will vote him and it will be official.


Bat: Seems like an easy vote to me. I’m in.


Aqua: Me too. it’s time we slay these hoes!


(Meanwhile, JRO and Rocky are hanging out behind the Furious Fuq Bois trailer)


JRO: So Rocky, who do you think we should vote for?


Or does it not matter?


You know, since I might be going home tonight and all.


Actually, no.


Wait.


Nevermind, yeah, I’m dead tonight probably.


Rocky: Stop talking like that.


JRO: Gee, sorry. No need to always start shit with me, Rocky.


Rocky: …. Listen, just vote for who I tell you to, and we’ll be golden. Got it?


JRO: Yes siree.


Rocky: BTW, you haven’t played Mortal Kombat since 2006, right? Loser!


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Rocky: *In Confessional* Since these idiots don’t wanna vote me out, I might as well try to get farther. And I need JRO by my side. He’s the only one who I can count on for a vote. So if anything bad happens to him tonight, I may have to play dirty again and use my “Writer’s Powers” to fix things up a bit.


RJ: *In Confessional* Tonight, JRO will FINALLY leave my sight! I just hope he doesn’t play an idol, causing history to repeat itself on me. *shudders*


JRO: *In Confessional* You know, Rocky is a cool guy. Even though he called me a loser despite the fact he himself is a bum, still. I think after this is all over, he and I could be great friends after this.

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(Elimination Ceremony- Night 18)


Boograssi: Well you all sure sucked badly! Well, not really, that was hardly a challenge, just a matter of luck, really. BUT, on the other hand, had a certain someone not let GO get the amulet, you guys wouldn’t be here right now. *cough* JRO *cough*


JRO: Fuck off! He knocked me out! That savage.


Boograssi: Anyways, the following are safe:




Everyone except for JRO!




JRO: Wait, what?


Boograssi: The Flush of Shame awaits, my boi.


JRO: Well, I saw this coming from a mile away, so no surprise.


RJ: Shut up fat bitch, no you didn’t!


JRO: Anyways, so long friends.


Rocky: Welp, this is my que.


(As JRO begins to stand up, Rocky drops some sort of golden statue of Grass in front of him, landing directly behind JRO)


Rocky: Um, JRO. I think you dropped something. *Points at the statue*


JRO: Huh? But that’s not mine-


Rocky: *Smacks him and whispers into his ears* Shut up and just go with it!


JRO: Uh, ok then. *Picks it up*


Boograssi: Say, that looks like the Golden Boograssi Statue!


JRO: *Hands it to Grass* Is it?


Boograssi: *Examines it* This is indeed the real deal. Which means all votes against you are negated, and you are safe, JRO…. Unfortunately.


JRO: Sweet!


Bat: *Gasps*


RJ: Fuck! I’m done!


Aqua: Oh! Mer! Gawd! O3O


Boograssi: Which means the person with the second highest amount of votes will be eliminated instead. And the vote was 3-2, so those two votes belong to…….



















Bat!


Bat: Not like I was trying to win anyways. :P


RJ: Oh, what!? Eh, nevermind it was just Bat. Sorry Bat.


Bat: It’s okay guys. I had fun.


Boograssi: Alright Bat, I’m running out of time here. Get your ass to the Flush of Shame.



(We cut to Bat floating in the Flush of Shame)


Boograssi: Any last words? Or is it just gonna be some fuq boi shit?


Bat: r00d! *Gets flushed*


Boograssi: And we are now in the Final 8! But before we close off today’s episode. Aqua, JRO, RJ, Rocky. Get your asses over here.


(The four of them approach Grass on the docks)


RJ: You’re not gonna rape us out here, are you?


Boograssi: Yeah, no! What I called you guys out here for is this: So you guys have been sleeping in that raggedy ass tent for the last ten days now, right?


JRO: Yep.


Boograssi: Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. Cus from now on, you will be moving into the Fuq Bois trailer.


RJ: Wait, you mean!? :O


Boograssi: Yep, congratulations to the four of you! You guys have just made it to the Merge! Goodnight!


(The Happy Hams walk off as Grass begins to close off the episode)


Boograssi: You just heard it here, folks! Now that the game is all individual, how will things go down in the next Elimination Ceremony? Find out next time on Tits! Of! Golldd!!!



(End)


(Preview for Episode 7 plays)


“Next time on Tits of Gold…”



“The game begins to heat up as an obvious line in the sand starts to take it’s toll”


Aqua: This is just getting WAY too scary for me.


“And a throwback challenge to last season causes a panic”


(Grass and Señor Toastus are seen chasing down the contestants while holding hunting rifles)


RJ: *Gets shot in the ass* Well that sure was a #Blindside! *Passes out*


“It all happens next time on Tits of Gold, Episode 7: The Merging Inferno”


(End of preview)