A Long Time Ago, in a wiki chat far far away....

---Heo Skywalker looks into the sky longingly, his aunt, Consuela is heard swearing in Spanish from inside the house---


Heo: *sighs* Si! *goes inside*

Consuela: Bueno! Tommorow me needs you to go to market, and buy me some droids for my cleaning business, here's 20 pesos...

Heo: *sighs* Yes aunt

Consuela: Por-que? Wassa matter with you?ð

Heo: I've been thinking, I don't want to become a cleaner like you! I want to be a jedi like my father!

Consuela: Que!?? You loco, you will be joining the family business! Wiz me, uncle Sanchez, cousin Jose, cousin Juan, cousin Jesus, cousin...

Heo: *interupts* No! I want to be like my father!

Consuela: Your father was a loco! Go to bed you naughty child!

Heo: *Goes* Someday, I will be like my father, you'll see!

---Scene switches to the next day, at the market---

Heo: Okay, I'll take that one and that one I guess

Noah: Thank you come again!

Heo: *walks off with the droids*

Fiz3P0: Hello, my name is Fiz3PO and this is my friend Dark2D2

Dark2D2: Yo

Heo: Hi guys, we better get back to my place!

---Scene switches to inside Heo's house---

Heo: Well this is it guys, your new home!

Fiz3PO: Nice place you got here

Dark2D2: *starts to spark and immedietly shuts down*

Heo: *swears in Spanish* I knew that dodgy salesman sold me faulty droids!

Fiz3PO: Oh dear, Dark does do that sometimes...

Heo: Maybe he's just out of charge...

Fiz3PO: I don't think so, Dark says he's er... 'too Max Goof' to run out of charge

Heo: Well what do you run on then?

Fiz3PO: Well I run on weed of course

Heo: .-. *starts fiddling around with Dark's buttons, trying to get him to work again*

Dark: *suddenly powers back on again, and begins playing a hologram of a tall, sleek, Asian woman*

Ally: Help me Obi Wan Chwiisnobi, you're my only hope! *plays on a loop*

Fiz3PO: Omg Ally!

Heo: *drooling* Wait you know her? She... she's beautiful!

Fiz3PO: Omg yes, Princess Ally used to be our owner before we crash landed on this planet in an escape pod

Heo: *is distracted by Ally* Ok I think I'll need to save this video for ummm... later... *plugs a USB into Dark*

Consuela: *is heard from another room* HEOOO!

Heo: Oh man, ok Fiz you better come with me, I think my aunt wants me for something

---Fiz and Heo leave the room---

Dark2D2: Ok fuck this, I'm too Max Goof for this shit!

---Dark leaves the house and wanders off into the desert---

Heo: *returns* Dark? DARK?! Ok, where did that Hijo de Puta go!? I was still downloading that video!

Fiz3PO: Oh dear, where did he go? :'(

Heo: I was really looking forward to fapp- I mean looking at those Ally pics later, you know what, I'm gonna go look for him! *rides on his space donkey out into the desert* (gettit coz Mexicans ride donkeys)

---Scene cuts to in the middle of the desert, Heo sees Dark in the distance---

Heo: DARK2!!!!!

--A someone sneaks up behind Heo and whacks him in the head, KOing him---

--Later, Heo wakes up, tied to a rock, Dark and Fiz are tied up next to him---

Heo: Where am I?


---A strange hooded man walks up behind him and cuts him in half with his lightsaber---

Man: You should not have come out here, there are damn arabs everywhere!

Heo: Wow thanks dude! You saved my life!

Man: Whatever fgt, the dude was acting like a mong *takes off his hood*

Chwiis: Ello mate

Heo: *faints*

---The scene cuts to Luke's home, Heo wakes up, again---

Chwiis: Well look who just woke up, typical Mexican, I swear all u fgts do is sleep!

Heo: Who... are you?

Chwiis: The call me Obi Wan Chwiisnobi around these parts, I was just out hunting kangaroos when I saw you getting beaten like a little fuq boi!

Heo: Wait, did you just say your name was Obi Wan?

Chwiis: Yeah

Heo: So you used to be a jedi?

Chwiis: That was a long time ago mate

Heo: Did you know my father?

Chwiis: Your father... was a good bloke, until this fgt named Darth Rocker murdered him

Heo: Wow

Chwiis: Yes, even though the way of Shrek was strong in him, I always knew that deep down that fgt had a small shaft

Heo: What is this way of Shrek?

Chwiis: The way of Shrek is around us all, within every cell of the body, those who are strong with the way of Shrek like your father train to become great warriors and keepers of the peace.

Heo: Take me with you! Teach me the ways of Shrek!

Chwiis: I don't know, I don't teach fuq bois...

Heo: I have soemthing to show you, Dark, play the recording!

Dark: Nah I'm too Max Goof

Heo: urgh

Chwiis: *waves his hand and a magical force compells Dark to play the recording*

Heo: How did you do that!?

Chwiis: The power of Shrek

--Sees the recording, looks at Heo, worried---

Heo: What's wrong?

Chwiis: How the hell did they capture her!? Let's get ourselves a ship, I need to go confront Darth Rocker! Heo: Take me with you, I want to learn the power of Shrek!

Chwiis: *Sighs* Fine fgt

---Scene switches to the local bar, like the one from real Star Wars---

Rocky Solo: *confronts a green alien* Ok who are you and what have you done with my cashews!?

Alien: I don't know wtf you are talking about!

Rocky Solo: Sure Cliff *pulls out gun*

Alien: No don't shoot please! 

Rocky: Any last words you Un-American punk!?

Alien: *screams* PLEEEEEEASE!

Rocky: Oh shit! You scared the fuck outta me! *shoots him dead*

---Heo and co enter the bar---

Chwiis: *walks up to Rocky* Oi mate, are you Rocky Solo, I hear you offer driving services!

Rocky: Yeah but it ain't gonna be cheap! I have a debt to pay off from JRO the Hutt!

Chwiis: Ooooh mate if there's one this you should never do is accept loans from a jew.

Rocky: Damn right 

Chwiis: Look I'll pay you 50 cashews here and 100 after you've finished the job

Rocky: Make it 120 and you got a deal

Chwiis: Deal

Fiz: I would've only accepted 420

Chwiis: *sees the tall, hairy figure standing besides Rocky* Who's this?

Rocky: Oh this is my assistant Toastbacca

Toast: *In Chewbacca voice* Toast!

Heo: Cool

Rocky: Hey who's the beaner?


Chwiis & Rocky: Same thing!

Heo: Urgh

---seen cuts to inside Rocky's ship, the Cashew Falcon---

Chwiis: *Fiddling with Dark's sockets* Now if I can find this recording again I can use the power of Shrek to trace where this message was recorded...

Dark: Oooh yeah that feels good

Rocky: Quit with this superstitious BS, all you muslims and shit can burn!

Chwiis: Stfu cunt Shrek will find you and Shrek will get you

Rocky: Ooooh I'm scared you stupid Aussie

Chwiis: Don't make me set my croc on you fgt

Rocky: Dingo-fucker...

Chwiis: Alright you're going the right way for a smacked bottom!

---The recording starts to play---

Chwiis: *Uses the power of Shrek to trace the signal* Go straight ahead that way! *points* 

---Seen cuts to in front of Death Star---

Chwiis: Here we are...

---The gang sneak onto the death star---

Chwiis: Alright you fgts go and find the princess, I got some business to attend to *runs off*

Rocky: Pfft what a dirty Aussie

Heo: Hey Master Chwiis is wise jedi!

Rocky: Whatever beaner

Toast: TOAST!

Heo: Look just follow me ok, we gotta find the princess

Rocky: Look I don't take no orders from no beaner!

Heo: Fine then don't get your reward!

Rocky: Look kid I'm doing this for me and myself only so you better not piss me off

Heo: Fine, we just gotta find the cell block, Fiz, Dark you wait here

Fiz: Ok Heo

---Heo, Toast and Rocky leave the room---

Fiz: Luckily brought supplies *pulls out a bag of weed*

---Scene cuts to the cell block as the crew somehow manage to sneak in unseen---

Rocky: Hey Heo, this is where you belong you illegal immigrant

Heo: >.>

Rocky: Well it looks like here's the cell


Rocky: Ok chill fine

Heo: *walks in the cell, sees Ally and gets a boner*

Ally: Aren't you a little too Mexican to be a stormtrooper?

Heo: *blushes, unable to speak*

Ally: Well who are you?

Heo: I... uh... Heo.. save... you... death star... jedi

Ally: *Sees Rocky* Oooh what do we have here? *goes up to him and strokes his shaft*

Rocky: Mmmmmm

Ally: *Sees Toastbacca* Oh and I do love my men hairy *strokes Toast too*

Toast: TOAST!

Heo: *Glares* But... I.. uh... *faints*

Rocky: Oh ffs!

---The gang are seen by and fired at by stormtroopers---

Ally: Guys jumps down here *points at garbage shoot* we'll be safe and have plenty of privacy if we wanna threesome

---They jump down the shoot, with Toast carrying Heo's body---

Ally: Mmmmm I love this place, so animalistic! Great for sex!

Heo: *Suddenly wakes up* S-s-s-sex?

---The walls begin closing in on them---

Rocky: Of for Christ sake *takes out microphone* Dark! I need you to turn off the garbage shoot walls

Dark: *back at the control room with Fiz* Nah I'm to Max Goof

Rocky: Fucking hell, Fiz you do it then!

Fiz: *Is stoned as fuck* Ah man... you're funny.... hahahahaa!

Rocky: Great I'm going to die with a beaner and some Asian whore!

Ally: Why thank you :)

Fiz: Wooohooo! *accidentally slips over due to being trippy af and lands on a button*

---The walls stop---


Rocky: Don't make me slap you...

---The gang escape, as the scene cuts to Chwiis wandering around the death star---

---A loud breathing sound is heard---

Chwiis: Darth Rocker...

Rocker: Obi Wan Chwiisnobi, my old master!

Chwiis: You know for a black guy you have a tiny shaft!

Rocker: Why you racist motherfucker *attacks*

Chwiis: *blocks with lightsaber* Woah chill nigga, typical blacks, must violence always be your first option?

Rocker: This is exactly why I left the jedi you ignorant piece of shit!

Chwiis: Oh really? Well I heard it was because you were to much of a fuq boi

Rocker: Oh yeah sure jan

---The gang are running towards the cashew falcon and Heo sees the two fighting*---

Heo: Master Chwiis!

Chwiis: Ah fuck it who am I kidding! He's black I got no chance....

Rocker: You're pushing your luck

Chwiis: Stfu the only place you belong is in the stocks being whipped because you missed a spot when you polished a white man's shoes!



Rocky: Come on kid we gotta get outta here *pulls Heo onto the ship*

---Scene cuts to the rebel base, as Heo is crying his eyes out---

Toast: TOAST!

Fiz: Don't worry, this will make you feel better *gives Heo his remaining bag of weed*

Heo: *cries harder*

Rocky: Alright stop being a fuq boi, Chwiis was a dirty Aussie but if he was here right now he'd tell you to stfu

Heo: *continues crying*

Ally: Hush now maybe if you stop crying you can get a sneak peak later...

Heo: *sniffles* R-r-r-r-really?

Ally: Pfft ew no you're Mexican

Rocky: Look kid, pull yourself together, we still got work to do!

---Scene cuts to a rebel meeting as Rj is briefing the rebels on their mission---

Fiz: Yay Rj!

Rj: Ok rebels we gotta #Blindside the death star

Rocky: This bish...

Rj: Omg like shut up Rocky, alright what you gotta do is drive through the death star and shoot your laser through it's tiny whole...

Toast: TOAST!

Rj: Just like I shot my laser in Fiz's tiny whole last night if you know what I mean...

Fiz: Guys stop staring at me my metal joints needed lubricating ok!

---Scene cuts to the rebel ships approaching the death star---

Rocky: Alright you fuq bois Red 1 standing by

Heo: Red 2 standing by

Pilot #1: Red 3 standing by

Pilot #2: Red 4 standing by

Noah: Red 5 standing by ALULLULULULU

---The ships approach and attacked by Empire ships---

Pilot #2: *gets shot* I'M HIT! GAHH! *dies*

Rocky: OH SHIT! YOU SCARED THE FUCK OUTTA ME! *shoots a few Empire ships*

Rocker: *Watching from the death star* I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHER FUCKING REBELS ON THIS MOTHER FUCKING DEATH STAR! *gets in his ship and joins the battle

Heo: Uh oh we got more company, no bueno!

Noah: Welcome to 7-11 *shoots at Rocker*

Rocker: *Uses his Keanu Reeves powers to dodge the shots and shoots Pilot #1* That's what you get for being an ignorant rebel!

Heo: Amigos! I'm almost in range....

Rocky: Good luck kid

Heo: Almost there...

Chwiis: *his voice is heard* Use the power of Shrek Heo

Heo: Master Chwiis?

Chwiis: Yeah it's me, now SHOOT BITCH!

Heo: *shoots*

Heo: ...

Chwiis: ...

Rocky: ...

Rocker: ...

Noah: ...

---It misses---

Chwiis: FFS!

Rocky: Typical Beaner!

Heo: >.>

---Suddenly a laser is fired from behind Heo, which penetrates the hole---

Heo: Who? What? Where?

---It is revealed to be Noah---


Rocker: Ah fuck

---The ships fly away as the death star explodes---

---The scene cuts to the awards ceremony, as Rocky, Toast and Noah are being given their medals by Ally and Heo is watching on in the audience---

Heo: *Daydreaming* Well I may have missed the shot, but I think I might've met the girl of my dreams...

Ally: *Puts the medal around Noah's neck, pauses, and then starts to passionately kiss him*

Heo: ;-;

Noah: Thank you come again!