“Last time on Balls of Steel….
Thanks to a convincing lecture from Chip, Toast took control of the newly formed Team Ally. Rocker, however, was rather reluctant. Meanwhile, over at Team Boi, Grass found himself in control and the official puppet master. Then, a misleading note led to the contestants getting kidnapped by Rimie. Chwiis was also there, but he, unfortunately, wasn’t so lucky. The contestants were then let go and Meta won the challenge for Team Boi, sending Team Ally back to the elimination ceremony, where Rocker was rather unexpectedly voted out. Who will perish next? Will Team Ally finally pull an upset? Found out right now on: Balls of Steel!”
(Team Ally- Day 19)
(The four members of Team Ally are seen gathered around a campfire)
Toast: Okay guys, we need to go into a merge as a strong, united foursome. Or else there will be burnt bread Hell upon us…
Fiz: I agree.
Ally: Like, me too!
Chip: Huh? Oh yeah, yeah whatever. Sure sure.
Toast: Okay, put your hand out on top each other.
(The four put one of their hands on top)
Everyone: TEEEEEAAAAMMM ALLY!
Fiz: Like, yay, do we get to twerk now?
Chip: Well actually we need to make sure we win the next challenge. We don’t even know when the merger is.
Fiz: I can dream, can’t I?
Chip: No, you can’t.
Fiz: *In Confessional* Chip is like, so mean sometimes.
Chip: *In Confessional* So I’m guessing you all thought that convincing Toast to lead the way was my plan of getting him voted out!? Pfft. As if! I couldn’t stand another second dealing with that loud-mouthed bitch Rocker. Besides, now that he’s gone, I am on a team with three of the most controllable people on this island. Looks like the Trollmaster has his million dollar plan set up after all. ;)
(Team Boi- Day 19)
(Heo walks up to Grass with a piece of paper in his hand)
Heo: Hey Grass, I-
Grass: Cus I’m evil! Heart blacker than Don Cheadle! Ten thousand dollar shoes I use to stomp on a Beatle!
Heo: Wait, what?
Grass: Before I begin with this Ruthless Aggression, I’ll let you be the second fat woman hearing my confession!
Grass: You’re a geek! Plagued by OCD! You never had sex, but you sure got screwed by me!
Grass: Huh! What!? Whats happening?
Heo: What were you just saying, dude?
Grass: Oh, I was just quoting ERB lyrics.
Grass: Yeah, Epic Rap Battles of History.
Heo: Oooohhhhh….. Well, anyways, I wanted to talk to you cus I wrote down a couple songs that I want to perform to win Ally’s heart.
Grass: *sigh* Hit me with it.
Heo: Ok, here it goes. Ahem. Let them see yoooooooooooouuuuu! In meeeeeeee!!! Let God see yoooooouuuu!!!
Grass: Ok, stop.
Heo: Alright, here’s another. Ahem. I’M AWAKE! I’M ALIVE! NOW I KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE INSIDE! NOW IT’S MY TIME!
Grass: Alright, enough boi!
Heo: K, so which one of those two should I use?
Grass: How about the one where you don’t look like a fuq boi, so neither. *walks off*
GO: HA! GHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY!!!!!
Heo: STHU >.>
GO: NO! YOU GO GET BUTTRAPED! JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!
Meta: *In Confessional* GO has been so annoying these past few days, I swear. All’s he does is call everything we like “GHEY” and he always harasses us to RP with him. Ugh, as soon as we lose, he’s gone!
Heo: *In confessional, singing* And we'll never be royals. It don't run in our blood. That kind of lux just ain't for us. We crave a different kind of buzz.
(Immunity Challenge- Day 20)
(The contestants are all seen in the jungle)
Ambrose: Alright, for today’s challenge, you guys are gonna use the stuff from the tool shed over there and build the fastest,most indestructible, most vicious monster truck possible! Then, you will use it to race around the jungle and to the finish line. First team to cross the finish line, wins immunity. Also, you may build and.or use weapons to attack the other team’s vehicle. You know, kinda like Mario Kart or whatever.
GO: YES! WE BLOW SHIT UP NOW! ALULULULULULULULULU!
Grass: Ambrose, you’re a classic meglomaniac.
Ambrose: And you’re a possibly pedophillic individual who should have never been born.
Grass: Oh I see what you did there.
(An hour later, the teams are in their respective trucks, at the starting line as they await for the signal)
Ambrose: Ready?........ Get set………. GO!
GO: THAT’S ME!
(The two teams immediately come off to a fast start as an even race occurs in the jungle. Ally is driving for Team Ally while Grass drives for Team Boi)
Toast: Time to get out the weapons. *throws electrical toaster at Team Boi*
Meta: Hey, what the! Oh hell nah son. It’s time to get real up in here! *shoots Scooby Snacks at Team Ally’s truck*
Fiz: They are trying to beat us with dog food, LOL.
Chip: I say we start doing this: Jewish style!
(Chip begins to pour oil behind their truck, causing Team Boi to lose control and fall quickly behind)
Toast: Ha we lost them!
Fiz: Keep going Ally, you’re doing an amazing job. <3
Ally: Thank you Fizzy <3
Heo: Crap, they are way ahead.
Grass: Not if we can help it. GO, pull the rocket trigger!
(GO pulls a string, causing a couple of rockets in the back of their truck to make them go at blazing speed and they quickly catch up)
Fiz: Shit, they’re gaining on us!
Toast: Oh fuck dat! *starts shooting AK-47 at Team Boi*
Grass: *crouches head down to avoid being shot at* Shit! They’re trying to shoot us! GO, you know what to do!
GO: YES! YES YES! *gets out grenade* ALULULULULULULULU! *throws it at Team Ally and it explodes*
Team Ally: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
(GO continues to throws explosives at Team Ally, while none of them actually land on the truck, they do land on the ground near them, causing them to lose control)
Ally: Like, I can’t steer this thing anymore! LOOOOL!
GO: JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA! TAKE THAT YOU INFIDELS! NOW GOSAMA BIN LADEN WILL WIN FOR HIS TEAM YET AGAIN! *gets out sticky bomb* NOW PREPARE TO DIE! >:D
(GO throws the sticky bomb, but in the wrong direction, and instead lands on the windshield of Team Boi’s truck)
GO: UH OH!
Meta: You idiot! Do you realize what you just done!?
Heo: God, if you’re listening. I would just like to say, when I go to heaven, be sure to have a houseful of Asian hookers waiting for me when I arrive. Gracias!
Grass: Welp, looks like we’re done in 3…...2…….1…..
(Team Boi’s truck suddenly turns into a giant ball of flames and smoke as a large explosion can be hear all throughout the island)
Fiz: Wtf just happened!?
Chip: Idk, but I see the finish line just up ahead!
Ally: OMG, we’re about to actually win!
(Team Ally crosses the finish line)
Ambrose: Welp, in a shocking victory, Team Ally wins immunity!
(Team Ally celebrates, as what is left of Team Boi is seen dragging themselves to the finish line)
Ambrose: As for you, Team Boi, looks like one of your million dollar dreams gets cut short tomorrow night! See you at the elimination ceremony! *walks off with Roman Reigns*
Grass: Great, we lost.
Meta: And no thanks to GO!
GO: WHAT!? I DID NO SUCH THING! I ONLY GOD AND WIN FOR MY TEAM! AAAAAHHH WHY DIS HAPPEN TO ME!? ALLAH, SPEAK TO ME, PLEASE! GHJHHGFERGHGJFGFERGTHTGFEG.
(Elimination Ceremony- Night 21)
Ambrose: Alright, the following peeps are safe:
Dark, Grass, and Meta!
Ambrose: Bottom two: GO and Heo. GO, you’re on the chopping block for costing your team the challenge. And Heo, you’re on the chopping block for…. Well….. Being Heo!
Ambrose: And with that, the last person safe tonight is……
………………. ………………... …………….. ………………… ……………. ……………. ………………… …………………… ………………. ………………..
Heo: Phew! Thank you, Lord!
Ambrose: Sorry, GO. But it looks like your reign of terror has ended. The Hurl of Shame awaits!
GO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WHY!? I AM STRONGEST TEAM PLAYER! I DESERVE MILLION DOLLARS MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE HERE! YOU ARE ALL CHEATING BACKSTABBERS! I SHALL BE BACK ONE DAY!
Meta: Looks like someone got shit in their corn flakes.
(Switch to GO on the catapult)
Ambrose: Any last words?
GO: YES, GRASS IS A PEDO! HEO IS A BEANER! META IS GHEY! AND DARK IS TOO MAX GOOF FOR THE MILLION DOLLARS!........ THANK YOU, COME AGAIN!
(Reigns releases the catapult, sending GO flying)
GO: ALULULULULULULULULULULULULULULU! *disappears into night sky*
Ambrose: Thank fuck for that! And now eight remain! Who will die next? Does this mean good things are expected to happen? See you all next week. Until then, I’m the titty master, Dean Ambrose. Signing off. This is Balls of Steel!
(Preview for Episode 8)
“Next time on Balls of Steel!...
Trust becomes a huge factor. And one of the season’s biggest blindsides occurs in this intense, edge-of-seat episode of Balls of Steel!
With eight contestants left fighting for the million dollar prize, what new is to come? Will Chip or Grass get their way? Will Toast prevail as the God he is? Will Fiz get to finally twerk? Will Heo get that Ally ass? Will Dark stop being too Max Goof for shiz?
Everything you need to know, you’ll find out on a very special Balls of Steel, Episode 8: Merge Or Purge?”
(End of preview)